I think scott just propositioned me for sex
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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