so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I could make wine with my vomit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
