i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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