i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
