if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
