i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
