I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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