I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The ass gains better be worth it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
