we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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