Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
