Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
