Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
