Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
