I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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