I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
