I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
