I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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