Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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