one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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