Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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