I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
