someone threw a dead crab at me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize