Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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