hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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