I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
