We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
