She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize