Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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