Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
