Tell her she can't have a vagina
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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