Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
