Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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