I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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