eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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