Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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