how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
smell my finger.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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