there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize