i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
