I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
