I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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