Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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