I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
