No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
