Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish I only lived at night.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
