I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
