You're completely useless in the revolution.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize