the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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