if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
