Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
