her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
