So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
