We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
