first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Two words: blizzard sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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