I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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