Jerry, you need to find god
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
