Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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