i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
