Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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