I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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