Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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