I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
