I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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