so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
