Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
