I think im going to throw up on grandma
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
