Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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