We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
