watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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