I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
