thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
