"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Randomize
