if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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