She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
