His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
