It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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