haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
