Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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