what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Sober January is a disaster.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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