xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
did you just send me my own nude
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.