I must be too annoying 4 u.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
