I faked an abortion last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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