You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do