he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.